Our first adoption

Makayla Megan Busingye Barugahare

                                           (Little Makayla at about 6 months)
Our initial plan was to wait until Danielle and Gabriel were much older before we could adopt. But that changed so quickly as we started to settle back home in Uganda. The pain and sad faces from hopelessness was just too much to bare.

I am very compassionate person. I hate seeing people suffer especially children and i have always told myself if i can do something about a situation, i will.

Here is how it all took shape very quickly:

There is a specific road I drove through in Kampala from work and there were street children. I gave them money, sometimes food and clothes but I was mad at God. I could not deal with the fact that those kids were on the streets, stealing, being beaten and being mistreated by adults. I literally was so mad at the unfairness in the world and I also chose not to get used to the injustice and have a closed mind to it. I know that when you see a situation that is not right for so long, it becomes normal and one is not able to make a difference.

I could not imagine my children on the street begging. Every time I saw these children, i saw my children. The children on the street did not choose the circumstances they were going through; my children did not choose to have a protective mum and dad plus a sheltered life every child/human being deserves.

With my rantings and cries before God for about 6 months….on behalf of the street kids ……I pleaded with God none stop to change their lives and living situations. The problem was obviously much bigger than me.

That’s when God introduced me to the concept of people being his hands and feet.

I will never forget when He asked me “what are you going to do about that situation of the street children, abandoned children as my child?” He also showed me that true religion was looking after the widow and the orphan (the defenseless and poor)

James 1:27 " Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the father means caring for the orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you" -NLT

Clearly, he had seen me give little food and coins to these children.  He knew I could do more. God knew from His deposits in me that I could be His hands and feet.

I knew it was time to adopt.

We were still very broke and adoption didnt make sense. Our hearts were right but our resources we just not where we wanted them to be.

But then again, what is faith then, if we could not step into this God journey completely trusting that He will be without us on His own mission.

After half a conversation on adoption with my husband, it was time to go to Sanyu Babies Home and see what the process was like for adoption and make a difference in one child’s life.

There was no clear process then for Ugandans to adopt but I was given a few steps to take.  After 4 months going back and forward to Sanyu Babies Home, getting two local leaders letter, police check and home visits and: Makayla Megan Busingye Barugahare came into our world.

One of the things that still haunts me alittle is that we were given 2 little girls to choose from. We held both of them and Makayla held Georges little finger the same exact way Danielle and Gabriel had done when he held them when they were babies, so we chose Makayla. But every so often, i wonder where the other little girl is. i wonder if she is loved and cared for. She would be 11 now too....troubles me a little but then again when that happens, i pray for her. I think the practice of choosing has since been changed.

Makayla  was four months old when she came home. She was so beautiful and so precious.

At one month old, her biological mother left her in Mpigi district forest. She was picked up by an early raiser walking in the forest going to work. The by passer heard a baby crying and she picked her up and took her to the police station. She was then placed under the care of Sanyu babies home.

Every time I think that my little girl had to stay in the forest by herself when she was most fragile, makes me so emotional.  As I write this, I am thinking about her and her beautiful smile, her over the top personality, her need to wear sparkling shoes and her need to be near me or George. She still would not survive in the forest for an hour at 11 years old.

She is so precious, so happy, with the biggest smile.

I told myself, with God’s help, I would shield her from all unnecessary pain.

She came to us when Danielle and Gabriel were 4 and 2 respectively. We talked through what was happening with the two but I don’t think they understood but they wanted their baby sister who we had visited several times before she came home permanently.

George and I lived in George’s late parents’ house because we were broke and Georges siblings wanted us to settle in Uganda properly and then find our home.

We ended up staying 5 years rent free which was a massive blessing because we both earned minimums and could not survive paying rent with 3 kids …2 going to school.

We were so excited to adopt. We were excited about the fact that we were going to be the hands and feet of Jesus. We were going to love this little girl so hard and she was going to know who Jesus really is to her through looking into our eyes and going through so many hugs and cuddles.

Our excitement was not one that everyone celebrated though. I remember a close couple friend of ours who went to the same church with us in Manchester that was concerned for us. There were other people who said to us: “those kids grow up and fight your biological children for property” …”they will grow up and kill you to take what you have acquired”….”Those kids are cursed, why you think their own families don’t want them”! A whole lot of nonsense. We were not moved an inch by people’s comments but some of those comments made me so sad …still make me sad and we had to learn to keep our dream protected. we stopped sharing our excitement with many people because we knew they would unknowingly kill our dream.

One of my forever good friends Jackie Kemigisha Ndyamuba did help with all the Sanyu Babies’ home paper work. She was so excited for us and for our little girl. She was the only one who knew all the details of our adoption because we had to protect our dream. We had had enough negative energy and we didn’t want any more people talking into this massive God given dream we had.

When Makayla was eventually allowed to come home to us (paper work, home visits, interviews done, we picked her up in our very old little geo tracker – The same one that died when it felt that it just didn’t want to function for the day. That was our first car in Uganda, it had all mechanical issues but we owned it with full on joy.

She came home to us and two very excited siblings (they got their energy from their very excited mummy and daddy)

The bonding was not easy

When Makayla came home, she did not trust. She pushed us away. Even at 4 months, she had known that there were no permanent hands to cuddle. Because of the change in care at the orphanage She didn’t know that we were her forever family. She did not connect with us as fast as we thought she would. Both my husband and I tried to hold her as we had done with our first two but she put her little hands on her chest or pushed her head away from both of us.

I also was very surprised by my own feeling. I did not connect with her as I had done with Danielle and Gabriel when they were born. I was sad that my inner connection was not coming naturally. I was confused by my heart. I started to doubt my decision to adopt.

She had come home with a cough that was not going away. We tried all cough medicines but it was not going away. She cried in the night and the coughed was becoming worse. My fear heightened.

One afternoon after she had been with us about a month, she coughed so much and ended up convulsing. I kept praying and asking God if really this was His heart and couldnt He see what was happening.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT HE WAS PREPARING US FOR WHAT WAS TO COME FOR OUR SECOND ADOPTION.

(When we completely put our full trust in God and allow His will to be our will, it is a full on adventure and we get to live a life that is full and honoured)

So, with Kayla being so sick i was so scared and I thought to myself if this little girl dies in my hands I would not forgive myself. I called George my husband who was at work. He called his Aunt Florence Matwire who is a midwife but also a nurse who allowed to treat our Kayla for close to nothing.

When I got to her clinic with Kayla, she was waiting with concern. She checked her and found out that Kayla had a very bad cough that had affected her little lungs and immediately put her on an IV injection. After 7 days of treatment, she was as fine.

But one thing that I remember that changed and strengthened me forever: When George eventually came to the clinic on the first day of her treatment, I was so scared and I remember I told him: “maybe we should return her to Sanyu Babies Home, if anything happens to her what will we do” and he said to me “If it was Danielle where would you return her”!

He said, we have chosen to be her parents and we will walk with her through all highs and lows. We are her parents for life, through it all.

The first 4 children (we thought we were done)

I cannot begin to tell you how that statement strengthened me until now.

Up until then, George did not say much.

George and i are very different and approach life very differently: I talk my decisions out, almost looking for affirmation from people, I didn’t know how strongly George felt about adoption until he said that to me.

                                                                                                                            

Kayla became our first adopted child.

                           Makyala with Danielle, Ruby (one of her cousins) and Gabriel

Most of her first clothes were pass me downs from Danielle and Zikusooka little girls. The Zikusookas had been in our close circle of friends when Kayla came home and they knew that we didn’t have much but had adopted a little girl.

Obviously, life with 3 was full on. Danielle and Gabriel were in school. I was at home with Kayla. We needed her to know that we were her forever family and she needed to have us present. The job I had then sucked, didn’t pay much, so I left it and George started working with the British Council and he earned enough to help us as a family.

We still lived in George’s parents’ house. We didn’t have to worry about rent, thank God for George’s siblings, Roger, Samantha, Rodney and Willis who graciously allowed us to live in that house rent free. Forever grateful for them. Even growing up as orphans, they have managed to stay a close neat unit. What a great family!

Kayla just made 11 years on 21st April 2018. She is so beautiful and tall. She loves hugs. She learned that she was safe with us by her first birthday.

She is so creative, good with her hands and a good dancer.

She is still very careful around new people. She does not open up easily. When people meet us, they always say she is so calm and will not harm a fly. She however will start all sorts of arguments with her siblings. She loves to dance and be center of attention.

She has something about her that pulls crowds. Everywhere we go, little girls just get attracted to her and before we know it, there is a crowd around her.

In school she is so popular and at some point we thought she was “a mean girl”! Her popularity at school was a little much but we quickly realized she is just gifted that way. We love that her big brother school business account is booming from mostly Makayla friends who find her big brother very handsome and pay for whatever he is selling.

Danielle is the opposite. She is content with one friend and she reminds me a lot of me. I never ever attracted crowds at school. I was almost a loner but I was happy and content with just one friend or no one at all.

After Makaylas adoption, our lives revolved around school runs, church and just hanging with our friends whose children were the same age as our kids and it was a blast. We were happy and content to start watching the 3 grow into strong godly people.

We didn't even dream of 7 children. I look back and i am thankful that God knows us better that we know ourselves and if we allow him, He will pull our full potential if we allow Him to be God and show how powerful He is.