Remembering my mother, one year after her death!

Hey Ma,

Two weeks ago I had a dream of you- not the first one but one of the most significant ones since you have been gone.

In the dream, you were glowing and very happy.  You were walking alongside my little sister Joy who was oblivious of your presence. She looked sad but was trying to be strong and there you were walking right beside her as she carried a candle in her hand.

You and i saw each other and you smiled at me and I kept shouting mummy, mummy, mummy and you came briefly to my corner in the church where I was helping a little boy arrange his presentation and you hugged me but I didn’t feel your physical hug but the warmth in my heart….i cannot describe the feeling I got but it was one of reassurance and contentment.

Then you said to me: I have sorted the matters and I have to go now!

This whole time, I knew you had died but I was okay with the strangeness of the dream just so I can hear your voice and see your face.

In the dream, a strange man came to us and hugged you but you said you had to go because you had to catch up with Joy who had walked away by this time.

I told the man, this is a miracle- my mum died. This strange man said to me I know she died and it is good to see her.

Then I woke up.

When, I had that dream, we were in the middle of a crisis. All six of our kids had been sent away from school; because we hadn’t cleared all their fees and I was really anxious and getting worried again about our decision to take on extra kids.  After the dream, I was encouraged. I knew what you were talking about and I know God wanted to reassure me that everything will be fine.

Your lesson on: Storing our treasure in heaven: Matthew 6:19-20!

The bible tells us to store our treasure in heaven where our treasure lasts forever and where there are no moths that will eat up our treasure.

This literally means investing in helping people and making the lives of the less privileged more comfortable, providing for the poor, going to the hospital to visit the sick and providing for their health (story of the good Samaritan) All we have in heaven are put together by how much of our resources, our emotions and our hearts we share with those who will never ever pay us back. If you give to the people who will pay you back, there is no reward or that.

I know God was very proud of you because your actions of kindness and constant looking out for people that you knew needed help on earth were great in His eyes.

Gosh, I remember when were little, all the kids that came to stay with us because in their villages- they didn’t have enough to eat, enough medical support or were just sad. All our cousins had a small space in the flats where we lived. We shared every little we had and we never ever felt like we could have more if all these people were not in our world. You taught us contentment with joy and having a thankful heart that we are able to be a blessing to other people.

I know when you got to heaven; Jesus was waiting for you with a huge smile on his face and said to you: well done my good and faithful servant.

The day you died, my cousin who was in hospital with you said, you were strange just before you died.

She said the doctor wanted you to stay on the oxygen supply to stay alive but you kept pulling the oxygen mask off telling the doctor that you could only breathe when it is off. So, they forced you to keep the oxygen mask on and you were not happy about it.

My cousin says it was obvious that when they put on you the oxygen mask, you were breathing properly and when you pulled it off, you would stop breathing but you said without the mask, you breathed better. For about 30 minutes, the medical stuff put the mask on your nose while you pulled it off. Then in that time, your breathed your last breath here on earth.

I have a theory for that Ma, I think you were already breathing in heaven and they were holding you here on earth. I know, you had seen Jesus, his nail pierced hands, his glory, his greatness and you could not wait to meet him, hug him, tell him how much you love him and spend eternity with him; the same man that changed your life forever.

Many parents leave their children with property as part of their legacy (we already are planning for our children) but you left us with a legacy that will help us put our treasure in heaven where moths will not attack: 3 abandoned children who will know love in its fullest measure. You have helped us add onto our treasure into heaven.

It is hard work being a mother of 7, it is very expensive, very scary keeping watch over 7 children, it is hard work repeating myself 1000 times teaching them the lessons you taught me, sometimes I am not strong enough to keep praying for them but just like King David in the bible did, I have to find encouragement within me; from my daily deposits from me reading the bible and spending intentional time with the one that strengthens my weak heart and arms.

George is a great dad mummy. You should him doing his best to protect and provide for them. He loves them unconditionally and I am so grateful for him as a part for this uncommon journey.

And guess what Ma, our little girl who you rescued from an orphanage because they thought she had HIV and they just wanted to get rid of her, is now named after you. Her middle name is Laura. Every time, I say both her names when she making a mess, my heart comes alive knowing she carries a name of one of the greatest mamas that ever lived.

It is still very hard when I think that you are no longer here. In fact, it gets harder as time goes by but there is nothing much we can do but give thanks for your life and remember your most beautiful heart.

There are days when I forget that you are no longer here. End of last here, I posted on my Facebook page saying “it was the best year by far” My head and heart had not registered your death. Sometimes I want to live in denial.

Thank you mummy for being a great mum and giving me and my siblings Jesus; teaching us how to love you, honor him, praise him and give Him our very best.

You never gave us "words of wisdom or phrases to live by" but you taught us to read the bible and seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and the rest would be added to us. (Matthew 6:33) Guess what:  wisdom, courage, strength, love, wealth and health (and so much more) are all ours because of us really relying on God and standing on His word.

Heaven is so close to us because you live in it.

I know you know but I will say it again. I miss you. I have cried a lot at what I never said to you that I should have said.

There are days when we all cry on the chat group talking about you. None of us ever thought you would die at 70….i only wish I had spent more time with you in your last days.

I will carry your legacy mummy and God knows that I will be strong through it.

God knows how determined I am to love and raise godly children- five of which came from the heart that you taught. The Holy Spirit enables me daily and above all, I want our God to be glorified.

All for God and His Glory forever and ever

I love you Ma!